My Butterfly Dream

Crazy thoughts and not so wild ideas

G and T.

It was a strange feeling – putting off reading all my gratitude notes that I made in 2019 from my gratitude jar. In previous years I would eagerly open them on the 1st January and revel in the joy of being so grateful and enjoying having so much to be grateful for. But not this year. I would find excuse after excuse to not open the jar until I pushed myself to open it finally…a week later.

To be grateful and thankful.

What was going on?

As I opened the first note, then the second note, then the third note, the tears started rolling down my cheeks. 2019 was an incredibly tough year, emotionally, mentally, physically and I had made anything good that had happened so small that it seemed no longer believable. I didn’t believe the jar was filled with good and I was afraid that I may have filled it with lies. But it wasn’t. I kept opening note after note; reading how grateful I was for every day things (like the vending machine finally taking notes so I could get a chocolate) to big events (like becoming an aunty). And even on those not so good days I still had something to be grateful for. Isn’t it strange how I could remember these on a day to day basis but on reflection of the year that had just passed I was terrified that it was “such a bad year.” And maybe there’s the lesson: As tough or hard as the year was, what got me through were all the people and things and events that I could be grateful for.

It was a humbling experience sitting there in my pile of gratitude; humbling to realise that to be grateful and thankful for living is special. To be grateful and thankful for another day is sometimes all that really matters. To see the outcomes of all the shadow work I had focused on during the year bringing so much gratitude and love. And it finally dawned on me – if I could be truly grateful and thankful, even in the worst of situations that I had faced, then everything is okay. Because to be grateful and thankful requires me to fully believe that everything happens for a reason and that only better is coming; to believe is to genuinely let go of the old to make way for the new; to believe is knowing that everything is about learning; to believe is understanding that we are all on our own journeys; to believe means surrendering and accepting to what is – to believe all this requires trust and if I do believe all this then I definitely trust in the process of life.

Thank you to all those humans who either taught me a lesson, stood by my side especially during my craziness, or helped me grow in one way or another. Thank you for understanding that in the previous year there was a lot of darkness with much shadow work being done and for still continuing to support me and my posts; for enjoying the light when it shone through and for being reflective with me through the darkness.

What does the new year have in store for me? I don’t know but what I do know is that no matter what it brings I will always have something or someone to be genuinely grateful and thankful for.

To a year of being Grateful and Thankful.

To a year of Growth.

To a year of Inner Peace.

To a year of Forgiveness.

To a year of Compassion.

To a year of Love.

P.S. I recently re-read a book called “You can heal your life” by Louise Hay. It contains many simple exercises that if you take seriously enough and are ready to do then it can help transform you in one way or another. The first time I read it was a year ago but didn’t do any of the work. This time I was ready to put in the work and it helped me on my journey of Forgiveness and Understanding. Let me know if you give it a try.