I can hear the silence, so loud. A few cars break it with their loud exhausts and screeching of tyres and thoughts are interrupted but as soon as my eyes are closed they come flooding back. Did I do the right thing? Did I make the right decision? Too many things said to remember everything. Too many conversations taking place. The heart should be resting but it refuses to beat any slower and there’s no one to share my thoughts with but would I share them even if someone was awake? Then…a few seconds of sleep…or was it at least an hour? I stretch over to look at the time which means picking up my mobile phone. It’s only been 4 minutes but…ooohhh distractions. Pinterest is the choice for the night. Pin this, pin that. Oh, that’s funny. Nah, this one is too deep for me now. Pin, pin, pin. Time to put the phone down now. Time to fight it; I must get sleep. It’s a week day. Work the next day or rather in a few hours’ time. Maybe someone else is awake? No, don’t be silly, let people sleep. Insomnia 1 – 0 Me.
Phone is put down. Away. Eyes closed. Get comfortable. Counting sheep – does that actually work for anyone? Stories; replaying happy moments; more thoughts. And then people talking outside. Really? Who else is possibly awake at this time and why don’t they go sleep? Voices die down and it’s me alone again. Alone is always better. Should I read a book? No, that will involve thinking. But I am thinking. It will involve focusing; yes that is a better word. Watch television? Too much effort to move. I want sleep. A thought about work pops in my head. Oh yes, let’s do that checklist. Yes, let’s get ready for tomorrow; I mean today. It’s past midnight already. Pick up phone again; reminders are placed. Hmmm…what to do now? Thoughts are coming and going; not controlling them anymore; too tired. Let it be. What is done is done…Where did those thoughts go? Hopefully they stay away this time.
A new sound. Is that a bird? Morning light. Feeling rested; odd. I survived another night. Morning and that means everything is going to be okay. Until night time.