My Butterfly Dream

Crazy thoughts and not so wild ideas

The time I accepted who I am.

The time I accepted who I am, what I think and how I think; the human in me.

Yes. You read that sentence correctly.

My sister-in-law pointed something out to me this weekend; in between a tummy bug (me); flu (her) and our incredible appetites for sushi. Sometimes, our thoughts are not our own. We, especially females, are taught to behave a certain way, think a certain way – the list is long. At some point we need to figure out, for ourselves, if our thoughts are our own. And that’s when you are able to accept who you are. Personally, the journey has not been easy and a huge amount of focus and forgiveness and acknowledgement has been made on my side…

Looking back, so many decisions were made with me not really putting too much thought to it. Some small examples of how to dress in public…the first hand bag I owned was bought by a friend who got tired of informing me that the hundreds of pockets in my cargo pants were fashion accessories and not for use. Why have pockets if I cannot use them? My first pair of high heels – chosen by a male because I had no idea what the point was – they were going to be hidden by the outfit anyway.

Then there’s the idea of how to behave – crying? No can do in public. Emotions? Not important in decision making (until age hits and it’s true; the older one gets the more sentimental one becomes).

The good news though is that being who you are isn’t all about what you wear or what you do. It’s more about how you feel; think or show up and you need to make sure you own your thoughts; no matter what they are.

Accepting that I feel more openly than I used to and that I do not hide it as much as before; that when I’m emotional because losing someone hurts more than it should or losing possessions with sentimental value is difficult regardless of how much of a burden it is. Admitting that failing is part of the learning; dropping the ego and putting pride aside is feminine and acceptable. Embracing that I am sensitive but tough enough to take punches and tough enough to give a few too if needed – I used to ignore these aspects; neglected them for years because I thought that I thought it wasn’t important. But now I see that these thoughts are the most important. I think this and I now know this.

What are your thoughts? Do you own them? Accept them? Embrace them?

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