My Butterfly Dream

Crazy thoughts and not so wild ideas

I was angry until I remembered that miracles exist.

She was not street-wise. She took everything at face value, trusted what she was told, and had no knowledge of a different world, a world where people did not mean what they said or do what they said they would do.1

I’m reading a novel and as the pages turn, I feel angry. I am, at first, angry with society and males for the power we, as society, give them; then I am angry with the main character for being so naive and trusting; then I become angry with myself for being angry with her for not being more street-wise.

As I become overwhelmed with all these feelings; as I sit and am unsure of how to process how I feel, I finally pause and ask myself, “Why wouldn’t we want to live in a world where people can be trusting of each other regardless of gender, and hold their child-like views and innocence?”

I do not believe males or females are better than each other. I live in a world where I believe both are needed to create the balance we humans so long for. But I cannot help but feel angry when I witness, experience and read how females must continually defend themselves against a patriarchal society. I become triggered even more when females then make excuses for the males; “he doesn’t know how to cook” or “it’s the way it’s always been done and I belong to him now.”

“Noooooo!!! Enough now!” I want to yell!

At the same time however, I become just as triggered when females do the same to males; not trusting them to make certain decisions because we lack the ability to let go of control, or treating them like children.

We, females (generally speaking), do nothing but hamper a male’s personal development if we believe that they must be dependent on us emotionally or otherwise. And what is it about females (including myself) always needing to feel needed, before we realise that we are worth enough already?

And males (generally speaking) hamper a female’s personal development by placing more importance on what she’s wearing than on what she’s saying. What is it about males always needing to objectify a female for the males themselves to feel important? For them to feel powerful enough?

I used to avoid topics like these because they would bring out emotions in me I did not want to confront or deal with. I would rather ignore what and how I felt than tackle my own inner conflict. It is always easier to be quiet and undetected than loud and stamped on. But maybe by asking the right questions and trying to understand the answers I’ll be in a better position to deal with the frustration.

Maybe then I’ll understand why we humans, regardless of gender, always err on the side of cynicism rather than believing in miracles. It’s the miracle of a male supporting his ambitious wife or the miracle of a female supporting her ambitious husband; or the miracle or trusting people, male and female alike that then allows me to let go of my anger.

And sometimes, just maybe it’s the miracle of staying trusting and taking things at face-value.

#LoveLightKindness
#mybutterflydream

1. Tlhabi R. Khwezi. Jonathan Ball Publishers. 2017:80.

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