This week was all about time. And how its my crutch. Wait. Let’s step back for a moment so I can clarify this because I can see you shake your heads in confusion…time a crutch, what about time and its value???
This week was all about self-awareness. And how time is slowed down or sped up according to our own way of using it. Not making sense still? Maybe a story will help…
I was attending a workshop and we were broken up into groups of three to participate in a future looking exercise. The exercise was long and required a high sense of awareness, questioning and interrogation (by the 2 observers and by oneself). We were given an hour for all three to have a turn. We found a quiet room and began. Two of us sitting and the third standing in her present state looking to her future. The magic began as she became this powerful individual in the future at that moment and all three of us were so captured by her energy and story we forgot all about the time. Well…that is I almost forgot about it. 45 minutes into the session (we were still on the first person) I jumped and said, “we have 15 minutes left!” Looking back at that moment, I believe it was also when the emotions were at their highest and I needed a distraction. The other two participants looked at me, gently ignored me and carried on with the exercise allowing our first participant to finish her exercise. Then they turned to me and said, “15 minutes left for 2 of us? You should do this, don’t worry about the time.” I turned down the offer. I’d be too conscious of the time I said. And I’d feel bad for the other participant not having a turn too. She declined, “I’ve done this exercise before and its powerful. You really should do this.” Realising that neither of them were going to leave until I did the exercise I began. And checked the time a few times. Until they drew me in. Slowly making me forget about everything else but myself and my future self. The power of being in the moment was incredible and I kept pulling myself back from the vulnerability I was feeling; afraid of making everything awkward and afraid of being unsafe in a completely safe space. My own irrational thinking in control. Not knowing what to do now that time no longer existed I had to carry on and be present. My own thinking needing to give in to feeling.
We were late for the rest of the workshop. But so was everyone else. And the critic in me was feeling silly for being so time conscious that I almost missed out on a life shifting experience. It made me wonder how often I do this. How often do I become so conscious of time and being in the next place, that I cannot enjoy the current moment? How often do I use time as an excuse to Do and not Be?
While being time conscious is important, how we use time determines the value of it and if used correctly it can enable us to be present and let go and if allowed the space for this, then maybe just maybe I’d be able to feel safe in the safe spaces I know exist.