They’re such a good excuse. For everything, right? “Oh I thought you knew?” is my favourite. Trust me, that is an assumption. And saves us from asking the question. Whatever question it is we’re obviously avoiding asking.
We all do it (BIG assumption). “This person I’m talking to clearly doesn’t like what I’m saying because they’ve rolled their eyes five million times.” Never do we stop and ask ourselves if it’s really about us. Never do we stop and ask the person why they’re rolling their eyes. We just assume it’s because of what we’re bringing to the conversation. And most of the time we’re not even aware it’s an assumption.
My other favourite assumption: “This person will be uncomfortable if I ask this question.” Meanwhile I’m the uncomfortable one who will be made even more uncomfortable if I ask.
What else do we assume and then have these assumptions dictate how we act, don’t act, what we say or don’t say or even stop us from doing the really life-changing stuff that we all crave to do??? Think about it. We’ve all done it (BIGGER assumption).
Example 1: We don’t tell someone how we really feel because we assume they’re not interested or they don’t feel the same or it’ll hurt their feelings.
Example 2: We don’t do something because we believe we can’t do it or shouldn’t do it.
In the first example, the underlying assumption is that we think people aren’t capable (so we think we’re the only ones who can handle stuff, wow we must be so amazing…and them not so) and in the second example the underlying assumption is that we don’t believe we, ourselves, are capable (ouch).
The craziest part is that most of the time we aren’t even aware of our assumptions (BIGGEST assumption). Of course, you could be aware and just ignore it or you’re aware of them and believe they’re truths because you’ve thought of them and thought them through and you are such an incredibly in-tune-mind-reading person that you obviously know what others are thinking and feeling. Great. You’re one in seven billion.
No need for conversation. No need to ask. No need for action.
I imagine: if people could ask me if I’m really angry as I stare into oblivion as opposed to assuming I am when they see my face without a smile. The answer would most likely be: I have resting b*tch face. I’m daydreaming. No anger here.
So the next time you think you know why someone has said something or not said something, done something or not done something, check what you’ve based it on.
The next time you don’t say something, say something, don’t do something or do something; check what you’ve based it on.
Check your assumptions.