“You might get what you want but not what you need. The two are very different. Most movies are about a character who wants something very, very much and tries to get it…they usually prevail and (usually) get what they want. Along the way, however, usually by confronting what’s referred to as their ‘ghost’ (something deep within them that they haven’t been able to face previously), they realise what they ‘need.’ And it’s often different from what they ‘want.’ So getting what they need usually becomes the point, and the satisfying aspect of the movie.”*
What is your ghost? What are you constantly turning your back on, making sure you don’t come face to face? This idea reminds me of those truths we generally ignore. Likened to that partner who will never wash the dishes no matter how many times he says he will and you ignore the pile of dishes building up because you’d rather believe the silly words coming from his mouth? Or the partner who promises to have her car washed and never does and you all of a sudden have every excuse to not enter the vehicle because you’d rather make your life difficult instead of accepting that the car will never be washed unless you wash it.
Basic examples but it gets the point across.
We are sometimes so focused on what we want and not need that we complicate our lives because facing the ghost will bring us challenges we do not feel ready for. We only see the short term pain and not the long term gain so we find other “softer” routes, not noticing the pain we endure as it takes us further and further away from our true needs. We start to believe that we are being selfless by giving up our needs but the reality is that it is the opposite. In our inability to learn about our needs and follow the right path, we do not allow others to do the same. We are not expressing our truths and if others are, it’s based on a lie we’ve created.
And as we go down this other “softer” route, we feel less and less like ourselves and start making excuses as to why we didn’t face our ghost in the first place, too blinded by our wounded egos to accept that we could always turn back at anytime.
And only then, if we have the inner strength to turn around and choose to face our ghost, do we see that the ghost is the real You. And through facing the challenges and your ghost, can you now live a life with your needs fulfilled.
*Quote from f**k it therapy by John C. Parkin