My Butterfly Dream

Crazy thoughts and not so wild ideas

Month: December 2018

The pain that comes with growth.

The first time I listened to a podcast my brother and sister-in-law were driving the rest of us to a function 6 hours away. I’m a music fan, especially in the car. The less I have to listen to someone talk the better. I don’t even listen to the radio because of all the interruptions between songs. A podcast then is another level of torture for me.
Fast forward months later, and podcasts are welcomed. Never in the car however. On the train, maybe. At home, maybe. Anywhere but the car.

And as I reflect on the year that’s just flown by and on my last blog until 2019, I found the following words from a podacast summarised my journey thus far:

“We’ve been stupified by this zombie like existence where we seeking, seeking, seeking, craving, craving, craving and it’s a tragic comedy. We need to opt-out… they’re all institutions that we’ve given into. Institution of success, Institution of education, of being a certain way, Institution of beauty, Institution of wealth. Its all institutions and we dont realise that we’ve bought into them. That’s the tragedy of it. The humour is that we’re like robots. Quite funny to watch. Because nobody is enjoying it and yet we do it. Its this compulsion. And I think when you wake up into your spiritual purpose, your inner worthiness, your inner awakening; then things begin to shift. So really only a spiritual epiphany which comes with a lot of pain can wake us up.” (Shefali Tsabary, Mindbodygreen podcast).

With my studies heavily focused on self development and introspection I’ve found myself digging deep. At first it was for marks then it became about the need to find answers to questions I didn’t know I had. This coupled with health concerns occurring personally, studies filling time and work ever evolving, this year made me fear the next. I was in denial of my exhaustion until this week when I finally comprehended that a break was needed. Now towards the end of the year I feel like even though I was emotionally growing I physically wasn’t coping. I only managed one run for the year and visits to the gym were inconsistent. My morning routines were excellent for half of the month, then the other half were considered time-outs. And these are things I’ll forever continuously work on but my gratitude jar is full; my emotions starting to show and my ability to voice myself more evident. The pain that comes with waking up is real. It’s tiring and frustrating but WOW, is it liberating.

Liberation bringing me the following reflections:

The strength found from understanding myself more is incredible.
The confidence to be myself grows more unwavering.
The recognition that my feelings are important is overwhelming.
The purpose of growth becoming clearer.
Learning inevitable.

Wishing you a peaceful entrance into 2019 and may we all continue to learn to surrender to life.

#LoveLightKindness