My Butterfly Dream

Crazy thoughts and not so wild ideas

Month: December 2018

When Doing gets you no closer to Being.

Doing and Being. I used to believe they were two separate states; each in their own bubbles and the aim of life was to either jump from one to the other or to have them overlap without bursting. During the course of this year and the last couple of months I’m learning that there are no bubbles that divide them. Rather they are different sides of the same coin and it’s up to us to determine which side we want to live in.

In my life, Doing precedes the Being. I’m action-oriented. In my work life, personal life and studies, I do not feel as if I’ve accomplished anything unless there is an action (preferably tangible) to complete. Being is a luxury; a state I aim to achieve, and the only way I know how is by getting things done. At no point did I ever stop and ask if I’m doing the right things or the right way. We are taught to keep busy, complete everything quickly and move on to the next task. These were false assumptions I accepted as truths.
At no point did I question if keeping busy distracted me from my restless soul and it allowed me to avoid the truths deeply hidden that would reveal my true story. A story I may not have been willing to face.

Imagine my annoyance and frustration when I ended up partnered in my studies with someone completely opposite. Someone who is already Being. The side of the coin I can never seem to reach. Every time I toss the coin and hope it lands on this side, I end up doing something that keeps me busy and further from where I want to be. Enter Mr Being. Relaxed, calm and in complete trust that the actions will arrive when they are meant to. Boy, was it frustrating to work with him. No understanding of how emotions are not required in every (any) scenario and logic can be used to solve anything (everything). No rush to end the task. No hurry to be the first to finish the assignment (even though it was not a competition and it did not count for marks).

We would sit. And reflect. And answer questions that were not about tasks at all. Once, I thought I manipulated the time given to him in hopes that less time meant less reflection. I was fooled. We were not just reflecting. We were doing. But doing the things needed. Digging deeper, past the conjured up stories we tell ourselves to feel better. Past the memories we use as crutches. To the aha moment needed to help me understand why I am so restless. Why I hide behind actions and the need to keep busy.

I walked away learning that Being in itself is an action. One that if not forced, comes naturally. That if there is no trust in the process, you may end up busy doing the things that don’t matter. Tasks and thoughts that will not get you closer to Being, but will definitely keep you Doing forever.

If you however endure and accept that the process itself can be trusted, you’ll end up learning that Trust is the right type of Doing that is needed to precede the Being.