My Butterfly Dream

Crazy thoughts and not so wild ideas

Getting out of my soul’s way.

Today I went for a hike. My first one for the year and definitely not my last. I only knew 2 people out of the group of 15 and normally this would make me anxious or subdued but in this case the combination of the outdoors and my inviter made all the difference.

As we were talking while waiting for a few others one of the people mentioned that they had just accomplished their goal of meeting new people. And I jumped back. Nope. Not my goal. Not this year. There’s so much in my life that I need to stop taking for granted that the idea of adding more is just overwhelming.

I want to and have been trying for years to understand and focus on what makes my soul happy. And this is probably the hardest thing to explain to someone. Different to the notion of what simply makes me happy. There are people or environments that no matter what mood I’m in or in the case of people – what mood they’re in, I’ll always immediately feel better, from no other reason than being in their presence. It’s consistent and the effects long lasting. Even after an argument or two, you know this person is good for your soul because somehow you’ve grown even from an annoying exchange of words and/or strong emotions.
It’s the same with a certain type of environment. No matter how tired I am beforehand or how grumpy I am, the minute I’m outdoors for example, I feel revitalised.

With this view in mind I’m noticing more and more the things or people or places that only have a short-term effect on me as opposed to a long-term one. And as I pay more attention to this I subconsciously seem to find myself not wanting to engage with certain things. And wanting to engage more and more with others. As I make these albeit difficult decisions (unconsciously at times) I seem to gather strength (I didn’t and don’t know I have) to hold my own and stand my ground. It’s a discovery I welcome.

My soul’s happiness is in my hands and no one else’s. And it’s important to me. What I enjoy the most though about this discovery is it’s keeping me real and honest. Without doubt or guilt. It’s off-putting to some people and liberating to others. And if people are not feeling the same or willing to evolve or grow it does not mean I must hold myself back. That helps no one. It simply could mean they’re not ready and by me staying in their lives I might actually be having the negative effect of not letting them find the person or place that helps their soul in the way they need it. My ego needs to make way for my soul.

What could make my soul happier than being real? And what could be better for those around me than this? As my soul’s growth and happiness evolves I learn to trust and have faith more and more. And as I continue to surround myself with like minded people I believe no decision can be wrong. The lessons learnt are welcomed as determined by how my soul shines.

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