My Butterfly Dream

Crazy thoughts and not so wild ideas

Category: Self discovery

Keep your eyes on the pile of regrets in the corner, as it grows over time.

Time ticks along and in its trickery we don’t notice nor do we even glance its way.
Sometimes we look up and comment, “Time is flying!” and then put our heads down and continue on our way. We live in hindsight. In the past. Continuously thinking, “If only I had done that back then.”
If only.
Those two words hold so much power for our future selves that our current selves cannot predict. We think if we do less, time will slow down. If we become more cautious, take less risks, time will slow down. But this isn’t the case. And we only add to the pile of regrets already in the corner.

That corner. In the back of our minds. That we sometimes delve into when we want to hide or it is a place we’re always trying to run from until it becomes so large we can no longer ignore it. We hoard our regrets over time and live as if this is normal. No one visits anymore because that corner pile takes over and fills the house like piles of rubbish or unused accessories everywhere.
Except the house is our bodies. And as we no longer take care of ourselves mentally or emotionally it affects us physically.

I used to think the root cause of physical illnesses was just that, physical. Until I started learning more and more that most physical ailments are linked to emotional responses we have not yet dealt with or are unwilling to do so. And because it’s sometimes easier to ignore emotions, the body starts reflecting how we feel and this becomes harder to ignore.
This is not always the case, sometimes an illness is just that, an illness.
But how often do we stop and ask ourselves, “What else am I doing that’s caused my sickness?” or “What else am I ignoring that makes my excema keep returning?” or “What else can I do that will ensure it doesn’t return?” Do we ever think about what’s happening with our minds or emotions? Or do we just focus on the physical – what did we eat to cause this; where did we go that was different?

How often do we regret not doing something and it pops up in our minds over and over? Or how often do we regret not saying something and yet it returns to remind us that we still have not spoken those words? We ignore the corner pile, and over time the corner grows until it takes us over.

I’m learning to stop ignoring the corner pile. I’m learning to clean it up often so it does not grow. It is not easy. Sometimes cleaning it up means seeking help, visiting the past and letting go or spending time I pretend not to have, on myself. I’m learning regrets are lessons we need to learn from and the more we clean up, the quicker we learn and the more time we have to enjoy what time we have left. One day, I’ll look up and not say, “Time is flying.” I’ll look up and say, “Yes, I used the time wisely.”