My Butterfly Dream

Crazy thoughts and not so wild ideas

Believe. Letting Go. Surrender.

For months, possibly even years all I’ve wanted to do is let go. Let go of the need to always be in control; let go of the anxiety; let go of the fears that drive me. And instead I let go of people, places, opportunities, chances and possibilities. The exact opposite of what I want to do; letting go because of this fear I refuse to acknowledge. I’ve been debating this feeling for months, years; my need to have control over everything.

Letting go is a tender process that opens you up to the unknown. And the unknown is what I fear. The unknown of what I may not be able to control is what I fear. Letting go of what I have now, to reach for something new; something different; something unknown. I always think of the saying, “When we are afraid of letting go, it’s because we are more focused on what we will lose than what we will gain.” And I have learned that this requires a faith that is strong and trusting; that when your intuition, feelings and gut tell you that the gain will be worth it, don’t let your ego get in the way and bring doubt. If you’re in pain and know what will decision will truly bring relief then let go of all the negativity and the people who are not supporting you and who are constantly trying to take away your power. Yes, letting go is hard but when there is a suffering in the comfort of negativity this is even harder. And when stuck in the pain of the known there is no end to the suffering. But if you move into the pain of letting go you can trust that there will be an end to that pain which you will welcome because it’s towards a result you truly want. No running away. No lack of support. You’ve believed. You’ve let go. You’ve surrendered.

So if letting go of people, places, opportunities, chances and possibilities is not the right things to let go of, for me; what am I letting go of?

I’m letting go of trying to control every aspect of life.
I’m letting go of putting others needs ahead of my own.
I’m letting go of not saying what I want because I’m more worried about hurting your feelings; when in reality holding up a mirror is the way to be kind to you. I’m letting go of me taking responsibility for other’s actions.
I’m letting go of holding back on living life because I’m worried about what I may miss out on by waiting.
I’m letting go of always making the effort in anything; friendships or all forms of relationships. It’s a 2 way street; give me love and support as you take love and support from me.
I’m letting go of rescuing or saving others because that’s my ego talking. People don’t need to be saved or rescued. They want love and support in order to rescue themselves.
I’m letting go of trying to control situations in order to try avoid pain or hurt.
I’m letting go of holding on to people who treat my kindness and compassion with manipulation and half-truths, no truths or plain old lies. If you want to be in my life, trust me with the truth from the beginning.
I’m letting go of holding myself back to try make others feel better.
I’m letting go of believing in people who tell me they love me and then treat me in a disrespectful way. No one can love me if they do not love themselves.
I’m letting go of making excuses for people who refuse to help themselves and who refuse to become self-aware and continuously hurt me and others they believe they love. If you really loved anyone, you would help love yourself to be better for you and those around you.
I’m letting go of people’s excuses of being too busy to see me or talk to me or spend any form of time with me. I can use that energy for the people who truly appreciate my time and attention.
I’m letting go of accepting that it’s okay to be careless with me because it’s not okay. I deserve not to be taken for granted, just like you deserve not to be taken for granted.

I’m letting go of this need to be perfect; to be more than human.

I’m believing, I’m letting go and I’m surrendering to life.

What do you want to let go of, and will you believe enough to do it?