I wake up. Dis-orientated. Again. Heart racing, perspiration slight, eyes open.

There were times when I wished I could not remember the nightmares; the bad dreams. That wish came true.

Now I wake up and I do not remember. I only know. I know that it was a bad dream. And I cannot decide if remembering was better.

I look at the time on my phone – 2 in the early morning, or late night – dependant on what makes me feel better.

I think to myself how grateful I am this only happens a few nights a month; less frequent than a few years ago so there is improvement. With time.

I read articles, check emails, cover all social media ground possible. Only one hour has passed. It’s like the stillness of the night means the stillness of time.

One yawn. YAY! Maybe sleep is nearby. I have time after all for some shut-eye. I can feel it; my eyes are heavy, the light from the phone is bright and I read the same passage a few times over…

Phone light off, eyes closed, wide awake.

Let us try this again.

I read articles, check emails, cover all social media ground possible. Only one hour has passed. It’s like the stillness of the night means the stillness of time.

One yawn. YAY! Maybe sleep is nearby. I have time after all for some shut-eye. I can feel it; my eyes are heavy, the light from the phone is bright and I read the same passage a few times over…

As my eyes close and stay closed, as my mind wanders off my alarm clock makes a noise. A loud one.

Time to attempt as if rest did not allude me. Time to attempt a full day.

Time.