26. That’s the number of books I have not read yet that’s on my bookshelves.

3 duplicates. 3 books I’ve bought twice.

It’s a problem.

This made me start thinking about how big a problem this is and what gap am I trying to fill by constantly buying books. Many of you reading this most likely thought, “Problem? She thinks buying books and having so many is a problem? Clearly not enough real problems for her to worry about.” Well this is what I initially thought too.

I started thinking more about it though. It’s not the buying of books that’s the problem. It’s that gap or issue I’m either trying fill or not overcome. And then I thought, well if I wasn’t buying books, maybe I’d be doing something less subtle. And then I thought, is buying books my addiction? Haha, odd one to have, right?

This thinking made me remember the time I was running. A lot. More than I’ve ever run before. And my body, as fit as I was, needed a break and last year, without my consent, my body refused to run. It rebelled against all the running. And all I ended up doing was filling the gap that running left with buying books.

What strange choices to make for addictions.

Now that I’m aware of this odd habit of mine, I need to work on understanding the gap that needs to be filled and why it’s there; or overcoming whatever unresolved issue I’m clearly avoiding terribly. Yes, self-development is not easy. And as I become more aware of my habits I uncover more of myself that I didn’t know. Or pretended to not know. Unconsciously.

And while I keep digging deep, I also have my self-created problem of the 26 unread books. Now I have 2 problems to fix and not just one!
As I work on myself, I’ve decided to fix my book problem and read one every two weeks.
And I cannot buy any books (I’ll need support for this friends!) this year. That part is going to be tough. And frustrating.
We make life so hard for ourselves sometimes!

But…Challenge accepted!