Recently the new Sony Xperia phone was released. I love Sony phones. I’ve never had problems and I generally move onto a new one because…well…that’s the next step. Contract ends or there’s some new technology that I MUST have or that I all of a sudden cannot live without. I googled and read as many reviews (all the positive ones of course) because I’m unbiased like that. I saw the price tag (did a couple of back flips) and decided when to have the phone. Not…do I need the phone or have I budgeted for the phone or is it worth it – none of these questions came to mind or if they did it was fleeting because we can all rationalise everything.

This story is reflective of so many other areas of my life where there is no desire to wait or have patience. I’ve always linked it to the “millennial” generation (I’m born in the year this started so didn’t really believe I fitted into this era) but recently as I’ve become more self aware I’ve noticed how little patience I have to wait for certain things…not all material. With travelling for example, I’ve been lucky to visit a couple of countries this year alone but as soon as the one trip ended I started to plan the next one. Not reflecting on my trip; not appreciating my luck; just ticking it off my list and moving on.

My brother is sometimes quite the opposite. He’ll use any phone that’s not being used by anyone else for months while waiting for the phone he wants to be available at a price worthy enough. I’ve never understood this alien behaviour. I’ve never understood the concept of “worth” in this manner. This idea that waiting for something will make you appreciate it even more. The idea that not everything must happen now. Today.

Remember how excited we used to be when we received letters in the post as opposed to whatsapps? Now, I’m not saying we should all go back to letter writing but there has to be something about the appreciation in waiting. If you cannot relate to the letters then think about when your phone is in repairs for one day and how excited you become when you have it back and read all the whatsapps?
There seems to be this constant “NOW” attitude that I didn’t realise I had until now (hahaha). I thought about when I came back from Vietnam and immediately started planning my next trip (for this year imagine)! I would make my budget work no matter what; put myself under unnecessary stress if needed as opposed to just moving the goal posts.

One of the photos I posted last week on facebook and instagram (the gratitude jar inserted above) made me reflect on how much I have to be grateful for and how much more I SHOULD be grateful for if I just had the patience to stop and appreciate it. Not everything has to happen now and seriously not everything must be an immediate next step just because everyone else sees it as a next step.

I look at all the books I’ve been buying and haven’t read. I looked at my list of gadgets (phone, kindle, fitness tracker…it goes on) that I want or my list of countries to visit or the house that I should move into…and I feel overwhelmed by this unnecessary pressure I put on myself to want things immediately. Nobody else cares. And I shouldn’t care even if they did.

The problem I’ve come to learn is not in wanting any of these things or the endless lists I make. It’s in this feeling of wanting it all now and feeling failed if I do not have it immediately. I’m learning that there’s two methods in getting something…the most suitable way is Yashy’s way…patience with the budget or my way…budget in too little patience.

There really is no need to have everything right now. There is no need to visit every place immediately. There is no need to spend before we’ve earned.

So…no, I didn’t get the phone yet. And I’m not going to until I actually need it. I also will not buy the kindle or the fitness tracker until I save up for it. As for travelling…I’ll remember that it’s not the number of countries I visit but the experiences I live through that counts.

Love. Light. Kindness.

MyButterflyDream