Sitting with friends watching a comedy when you hear a main actor say in his best man speech, ” The true measure of friendship isn’t how you feel about someone else. It’s about how they make you feel about yourself.” And it hits home. 1. That’s too serious a quote for such a funny movie and 2. It really is true.
These same “friends” decided I was the entertainment factor for the evening so constantly tried to prove to me 1. I was a loner (duh)! and 2. I don’t make any effort in turning complete strangers into friends.
While both points are correct and I very badly argued against it (my defense was lack of sleep), there’s more to it than that.
You are either the type of person everybody thinks they know and loves; the one who can strike up a conversation with a random person and consider them a friend immediately or you’re the type of person who takes years to add brick upon brick to the relationship until you know that person is what you consider a friend. In the first instance the person uses their energy towards meeting new people. In the second instance the person uses their energy towards ensuring their current friendships grow. Neither one is right or wrong; it really just depends on what your needs and wants are.
What does this have to do with the quote? Well, very little if you’re switched off to how people make you feel. But if you are the type who is self-aware and knows which friendship gives you that support and honesty that you most likely want, then that quote is everything. Not every friendship is the same; none of mine are and in most cases different groups of friends would probably see different sides of me, just as I see different sides to them.
For individuals like me, there is nothing worse than having a one-sided friendship where you’re expected (or very honestly, you’ve most likely set a precedent) to make the effort constantly and receive nothing fulfilling or very little in return. And by effort, my types include sharing as much as listening. Both are equally NB. These one-sided friendships will eventually die a very quiet death.
Then there’s the friends who don’t judge you (okay, they judge you openly but never stop loving you); the ones you have because you know, truly know (and contrary to your inner skepticism and constant initial attempts to not use those bricks) they’re the ones who accept you; will share themselves with you as much as you share with them because the trust is acknowledged; and when you show the good, bad and ugly you’re still feeling good about yourself because they’re still there.
And for types like me, there is no better feeling than that.