26. That’s the number of books I have not read yet that’s on my bookshelves.
3 duplicates. 3 books I’ve bought twice.
It’s a problem.
This made me start thinking about how big a problem this is and what gap am I trying to fill by constantly buying books. Many of you reading this most likely thought, “Problem? She thinks buying books and having so many is a problem? Clearly not enough real problems for her to worry about.” Well this is what I initially thought too.
I started thinking more about it though. It’s not the buying of books that’s the problem. It’s that gap or issue I’m either trying fill or not overcome. And then I thought, well if I wasn’t buying books, maybe I’d be doing something less subtle. And then I thought, is buying books my addiction? Haha, odd one to have, right?
This thinking made me remember the time I was running. A lot. More than I’ve ever run before. And my body, as fit as I was, needed a break and last year, without my consent, my body refused to run. It rebelled against all the running. And all I ended up doing was filling the gap that running left with buying books.
What strange choices to make for addictions.
Now that I’m aware of this odd habit of mine, I need to work on understanding the gap that needs to be filled and why it’s there; or overcoming whatever unresolved issue I’m clearly avoiding terribly. Yes, self-development is not easy. And as I become more aware of my habits I uncover more of myself that I didn’t know. Or pretended to not know. Unconsciously.
And while I keep digging deep, I also have my self-created problem of the 26 unread books. Now I have 2 problems to fix and not just one!
As I work on myself, I’ve decided to fix my book problem and read one every two weeks.
And I cannot buy any books (I’ll need support for this friends!) this year. That part is going to be tough. And frustrating.
We make life so hard for ourselves sometimes!