Running…the one thing I own. Running away even better. It’s what I own. The decisions made. All mine. All objective. All thought through. All lies I make myself believe so I can justify running…away.
Years later and I learn that no matter how much I run or how far I run the Mental reasons and Emotions (“ME”) that I was running from always catch up. If you running from something it will always catch up to you. “ME” will always out-run you. You think you have patience? “ME” will always have more patience. Your patience tolerance has only been tested over a few hours; months maybe but “ME” has the patience of years. “ME” had the time to grow and be added to; indirectly affecting the future, patiently waiting. So no matter how much you run away “ME” will always catch up.
17 and it was the first time I’m running away. Not physically. Mentally. I leave home. To go to university. To the furthest one I believe I could possibly go to. No reason. Just to run away from all known. To live in a place of the unknown. To hide. To build a different Me. To give myself a chance. All rubbish. I’m running away. Because emotions are too difficult to deal with.
So shut it off. Hold it together. And silently self-destruct.
“ME” is growing quietly.
29 and I’m still running away. Life toughens you up but it also lets you down. So I run away. But nobody sees it. It’s the best camouflage. Hide in the open. Because emotions are too difficult to deal with. So shut it off. Hold it together. And silently self-destruct.
31 and there’s no running left in me. Tired mentally. There’s nowhere else to run away to. Time to grow up and deal with “ME”. The urge is there…constantly. To not face it. Emotions are difficult to deal with. But no more running. No more hiding. I can no longer ignore “ME”. No more self-destructing.
I read a saying that says, “A good laugh and a long run address the two best cures for anything” so I laugh and physically run now. No longer away. No longer mentally. But I run physically. I want to face “ME” now so I’ll run towards it. And laugh along the way.
One thought on “I run. So I can stop running away.”
Yayyyyy… For the Soweto marathon…. Soon it shall be the Comrades!