In resistance we live.

Sometimes just sometimes the universe really is telling us that what we think and feel we want is not actually what we need. And we constantly tend to ignore it and fight it and believe that we know ourselves better than whatever created us. So silly we are sometimes.

This is the inner conflict I face daily. To stop resisting and go with the flow is extremely hard for someone who is in constant control of every aspect of her life. And while I’m less stubborn (to the lack of acknowledgement from my family) and more amenable to now accepting that life is in control and not me I still struggle. To let go. Or rather to go with the flow. The challenge now has become between me and wanting to go with the flow and no longer me and whatever is in my way. An example of this is being able to listen to others view points, be in debate and if my view point no longer makes sense, being able to accept that there’s a better one out there. Being told by the person directly opposite me (nothing more humbling than this I tell you). Admitting I’m wrong (according to the other person) is no longer a resistance. It’s not easy but not as resistant as before.

The theory that we cannot see the gift in what we resist is the daily contradiction. My heart is on board; hopping, skipping and jumping towards the path of least resistance while my head is throwing every obstacle in its path. Life cannot be that simple, surely. We’ve been taught to fight for what we want; go after the material objects, go after that job, compete for that degree or compete for first place! But I’m learning that besides this taking all the fun out of everything we do, it is just plain tiring. And makes life seem like everything can only be enjoyed after we’ve struggled for it.

Bleh to that I say! I’m slowly understanding the practical aspect of this – I was running on the treadmill and kept fighting it. I must run properly; back straight, feet positioned correctly, hitting the floor at that all-important angle when I just stopped. It was too much work. My body knew what it was supposed to do and here was my head enforcing everything I already was doing. Talk about a perfectionist’s dream (or nightmare). So I stopped resisting. I just let my feet glide over the treadmill. I stopped focusing on what my body was doing (or wasn’t doing) and just enjoyed the random music I was listening to. And I felt better. More importantly I enjoyed that exercise and I still ran the time I wanted to at the pace I wanted to. I saw the gift in not resisting.

And as I remember this story, I’m asking myself what other gifts am I not seeing because of my resistance? And hopefully you’re asking yourself the same question too.

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