Raising my vibrations.

And it ain’t pretty.

Every month this year I had some really high weeks and then I’d be hit by a low one. Since I’m on this journey of becoming a well-balanced-logically-emotional-human-person, I’d allow myself to feel my feelings for a week. 7 days. Indulge in some self-pity and whatever “bad” feelings that week had brought about; whether it was sadness, anger, rage, resentment or negativity. Then I would say to myself, “Well done on feeling your feelings. Now the week is over. Get back to feeling better and positive and raise those vibrations!”

Hahaha. Were you as fooled as I was? Here’s me thinking that by allowing myself to feel my feelings for a week I was letting go of control. Instead, all I was doing was controlling my own process of letting go. Have you ever heard of such? Control freak maybe?

As I reflected I saw a pattern: these really crappy one-weeks were showing up every month and they would continue until I learnt whatever I’m supposed to. So when I asked the question of, “How do I just feel and not think or control” (yes, all you emotionally intelligent people, this is not obvious for us over-logical people) I was told to just sit with the emotion. For however long. And every time I hear my ego try get me out of what it saw as a dangerous place I should switch off to it. “Uh…okay. So just sit with it huh? Like become its friend? Not do anything with it? For how long?” As long as it takes. Oh.

So Murphy (who is a great friend of mine) arrived on time and boy was it going to be a good session of triggers, one after the other.
Oh yes, there’s that anger. Ahhh hello rage. Can’t say you’ve been missed. Welcome sadness, did you bring a gift of tears for me? Why thank you.

Remember: these emotions only show up when you still have work to do; when there’s pain and hurt that still needs to be dealt with for you to fully heal, release and let go.

For two weeks I sat with my emotions of anger, sadness, resentment and rage. Unapologetic. I felt so much that I’d become exhausted and fall asleep at 7 in the evening. I’d wake up exhausted at 7 the next morning. And still I wouldn’t give in to my ego, tempting me to stop.

Ego: Okay, it’s been 5 days of this. Isn’t it enough now?
Me: No.
Ego: Oh come on. Get over yourself. This is just selfish.
Me: Go away. I’m busy feeling.
Ego: But you’re being ridiculous.
Me: Shhh.
My Soul: Trust the process.

Two weeks later. And just when I thought I was over being angry or sad or resentful, a trigger would rear its horrendous head and it would start all over again. And I’d feel. Unapologetic. I’d journal, talk to those I trusted, vent when I needed to. Let it out.
Because this was not something I could do alone. Or wanted to do alone. I wanted to be supported in this process because this was part of my learning. Knowing I’m never alone.
And this allowed me to not stop until that trigger no longer mattered. Until I acknowledged that all my anger, resentment, rage and sadness was based on feeling hurt and pain. That until I accepted those deeper feelings, I wouldn’t be able to release any of my anger or resentment or rage or sadness.

Oh, I get it now!

So this is the way to raise your vibrations!

Not by pretending you’re happy when you’re not. Not by being angry at the world on the inside and being all happy on the outside (yes, hello social media – I see you lying to us with that one seen happy photo in a hidden album of misery). Not by hiding the “bad” feelings because oh no, remember that’s what we were taught as children – not to be grumpy or moody or don’t be angry because these are all bad feelings.

The way to raise your vibrations is to feel your feelings. Get it all out. Pull all those triggers. One after another until they no longer affect you. When the triggers no longer cause you to bleed. When you can be indifferent because you’ve dealt with it all. That’s when you know you’re ready to raise your vibrations.

And the best way to raise your vibrations is to be genuine. When you can be indifferent to your old triggers; whatever they are – words, actions, certain people, certain people’s words, certain people’s actions…okay you get my point. That’s when you know.
When you can let go without any emotional attachment to the actions, words or people who caused you pain; that’s when you know you’re ready.
When you can wish them well without any resentment and close the door behind you. That’s when you know you’re ready.

And then spend time with the people you love and with those who love you. The people whose vibrations meet your vibrations at this higher place. The people who have supported you in your growth and who supported you through all your anger, resentment, sadness and rage because they truly love and accept all of you. The people who mean what they say and say what they mean. The people who have stood by you because they really care. The people who are open to this process of evolution as much as you are (I thank you kindly you special person).

This.

This is how you raise your vibrations.