One week of the year done already. Time is flying and the Buddhist saying, “The trouble is you think you have time” constantly pops up in my mind. I do not know about you but I do not want a repeat of last year, not because it was that terrible, but because I want different experiences now.
My aim for this year? To do things differently compared to last year. And I should be able to as one of the biggest sub-conscious stresses is over now. As soon as I realised that I would have to wait a year before I could study further some excitement gathered from this hidden place of dreams in me. This light started shining brightly as the realisation hit that I finally have time to do all the things I’ve been wanting to do. No more excuses. No more saying, “when I’m done studying, I’ll do XYZ.”
Goal List written.
Vision Board created.
I was looking forward to the New Year so much that I began early. I completed my vision board and began working towards two of my goals in December 2015 already. But I had to stop and give more time for reflection. I was in such a rush for 2015 to end that I typed my Thank You blog before the year was over and didn’t truly think about what I learnt.
Reflection time taken.
Surprise…surprise…this was it:
From all the learnings I had in 2015 this was the one that stood out for me: how I feel and show Love. Now, wait, before you think I’m some in-the-closet-romantic, it’s not necessarily only that kind of love.
Let me explain!…I walked into a conversation at work sometime in the year where individuals were discussing a book called the “The 5 Love Languages” and how they learnt a lot about themselves and those around them after completing a quiz. Curious, I completed the quiz (you can try it online) and discovered that the best way I feel loved is through acts of service.
Peaked your interest, haven’t I?
You’re probably thinking that I should know this already but I actually didn’t. My assumption was that everyone felt love the same way so I never really reflected much on it. It seems that some people prefer hearing it; feeling it; having quality time or receiving gifts. And mine? Help me clean the house. Yes, seriously. How un-romantic is that huh?
The odd thing is that there is a lot of truth in this – after some reflection I realised that from most of the relationships I have, the people I feel closest to are those I can openly help without there being a worry of being taken advantage of; where I feel like I’ve served in some way; either by listening (yes, some see this as a task); guiding through a problem; doing dishes (my sister-in-law can attest to this); or help in some way to brighten their day. And when someone does the same for me? Heaven.
Reflection concluded.
Now, I can move into 2016 properly. The reflections and gratitude for 2015 are complete and when I look at my vision board every morning I have peace of mind that I will have a year with new and wonderful experiences, especially since I understand the language I speak a lot more.
It takes a lot of emotional maturity and EQ to decipher the power of the 5 languages of love. There is how you feel loved, and how those around you feel loved. It’s our responsibility to know how those around us feel loved and appreciated and make an effort to make them feel the love, even though that is not necessarily our language of love.I end each phone call to a loved one with ‘I love you’ because one of mine is words of affirmation. This is met by uncomfortable silences over the phone as I wait for ‘I love you too’ from my poor granny who is a lady of little words and more action. I also had to learn that she feels loved when we spend quality time with her, which is hard because she stays 200km , so I compensate with long phonecalls on my way from work daily.
I think my way of feeling love has evolved over the years. Though words of affirmation remains the main one, when you have a toddler and no live-in-nanny some acts of service in the form of sharing chores would be better than the words ‘I love you’.
It’s an interesting series of books. Trying to use some of the learnings at work as well with my team.
It really is our responsibility as well as those around us. I haven’t read the books; don’t think I’m ready hahahaha. The great thing is that the likelihood of a person not feeling love on any of these levels is close to nil. It’s just some levels are lower than others.
Hopefully the learnings this year will be just as insightful.